"Too Close To The Sun"

"Too Close To The Sun" - Comedy Theatre (25 July)

This dreadful waste of time, money and effort is now apparently being called "To Close On Sunday", according to my friend James. After appalling reviews, that statement's not far from the truth.

I paid next to nothing for a seat in the crappiest part of the theatre, and I was upgraded to sit in one of the many empty rows in the dress circle. There could not have been a more obvious sign that this was going to be painful.

I'm not posting any pictures out of respect for the actors. They have careers to think about after this mess is over. The performers aren't entirely to blame, but there is so much to hate about this musical...

...the very cliched opening; eccentric score; odd lyrics; wrist-slittingly depressing themes; some horrifically bad comedy (ironic considering it's staged at the Comedy Theatre)...

I've been trying to think of clever ways of saying "Too Close To The Sun" is sh*t.

But I can't be bothered.

I know this makes me a very poor journalist - but just trust me on this one, it's a truly horrid musical.

Unfortunately it's not sh*t in a good or funny way.

It's just sh*t.

So sh*t in fact - you might want to go just to see how sh*t it is... so you can tell your grandchildren.

Who says I have a stunted vocabulary?

Tim scores: 1/10 (only because I enjoyed seeing the American tourists in the audience squirming at the actor's terrible accents)