Carrie's War - Apollo Theatre (15 Aug 2009)

Carrie's War - Apollo Theatre (15 Aug 2009)

Based on the novel by Nina Bawden of the same name, this play is a sort of Famous Five-style story about war-time evacuees and their adventures. The central character, Carrie, and her mouthy brother Nick stay with a very strict bible basher Mr Evans and his downtrodden sister Lou in (very) rural Wales.

Then it gets slightly odd when Carrie befriends a fellow evacuee Albert Sandwich...

Sandwich? Really?

...who's staying nearby with Mr Evans' sister, the dying Mrs Gotobed...

Go-to-bed? Are you taking the p*ss?

...at a farm called Druid's Bottom.

Seriously? Druid's Bottom.

Druid's Bottom is filled with slightly odd characters for rural Wales. The (Jamaican?) housekeeper, Hepzibah, is so freakishly loving that you want someone to smother her. She cares for "Mister Johnny" who has Cerebral Palsy (an actor with CP does actually perform the role).

Hand me the gin. It's the only way I can get through this drivel.

For the most part the characters are sickeningly lovely or cold-hearted monsters, which means none of them feel at all genuine. Those extremes make them very two dimensional. Worse still, the characters - especially Carrie - seem to be suffering from what I call the "Neighbours Syndrome".

The Neighbours Syndrome is when a character has an urge to suddenly develop schizophrenic tendencies, snapping one moment and then apologising the next. The sort of lazy plot development that's used to generate tension on the soap Neighbours.

DARLENE: (SCREAMING) why don't you just admit it - and say you don't love me anymore, Brett.
BRETT: But Darlene. I do. I do. I've always loved you.
DARLENE: (SOFTLY) Oh I'm sorry Brett. I can't believe I've been such a dag. What with mum in the hospital and dad up in court on that murder charge - I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
BRETT: That's ok luv. You've been going through so much of late, what with your family causing you so much grief.
DARLENE: (SCREAMING) How dare you say that about my family! They care about me more than you do.
BRETT: I'm not saying they don't Darlene, it's just you've got so much on your mind.
DARLENE: (SOFTLY) Oh I'm sorry Brett. I shouldn't be taking it out on you. What with Marlene being pregnant and Carl away at Uni, it's not the same any more.

...etc...etc...etc...

There's a much better example here from "A Bit Of Fry and Laurie":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV3tfauw3vQ

The Neighbours Syndrome is evident throughout the script, made all the worse with slightly pathetic stage exits in a sort of "...this is me being dramatic, I'm running off stage in a huff..." type of way.

I know how they feel, I wanted my money back too.

The plot does go somewhere. Just not very far, and not very fast.

+ There's an old woman (Prunella Scales) who loves children and has lots of lovely jewellery.
- I'd like the lovely jewellery box to play some part in the plot please

+ There's the lovely browbeaten Auntie Lou who's made to cry regularly by her brute of a brother
- Let's make it lovely again by finding her a man who treats her properly.

+ There's a lovely kind-hearted man with Cerebral Palsy.
- Let's shoehorn a sub-plot about being lovely to those people with learning difficulties?

+ lovely, lovely, lovely
- meh, meh, meh

It's all so sodding predictable. Even the Famous Five stories had SOME plot twists.

Career suicide you say?

The final resolution was similar to what you'd expect one of those cheap American TV drama series like "Highway to Heaven" or "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman". In short, the ending was implausibly delightful for everyone.

I'm sure the book is a wonderful read on a rainy Sunday afternoon, but I'd suggest an episode of "Highway to Heaven" over this play.

Tim scores: 3/10